Well, this week I did ok. I had some serious cravings this weekend and unfortunately I gave in to some of them. I didn't give in too bad, but I had some extra protein and a few more carbs than I should have. I am proud to say that I did not "fall off the wagon" and go crazy with candy bars and KFC (like I would have liked to) but I did soften up more than I wish I would have. With all that in mind, I really did not know what to expect when I stepped on the scales today. I prayed today on my way to the hospital like I have made a routine of doing on Monday mornings and today's prayer was one filled with repentance. I knew that when I weighed in if I was the same or even gained a little I had nobody to blame but myself. When the scales said I lost 5.1 pounds this week I really felt like God had been gracious to me and I thanked Him right then and there. It was really pretty neat because I had the opportunity to give the nurse that was with me a testimony of several times that God has been gracious to me in the recent past and in the present. I know that the Lord will open the door for me to talk to this nurse more in the future as she seemed receptive to the dialog.
If you read this and are a person who prays, please lift up my dear friends Jon and Kristin LeVan today. A year ago today their newborn baby went home to be with the Lord after living a short life full of impact. Joshua Ezekiel LeVan had more positive impact on peoples lives in his short hour of life than most people will have in a lifetime. I know my friends would appreciate your prayers today.
Monday, February 28, 2011
Monday, February 21, 2011
I went to bed last night nervous and I woke up this morning even worse. (410.7 pounds)
For my third week in a row, I followed the diet very closely as they laid it out for me. In addition, I added in exercise this week (not as much as I should have, but some nonetheless.) Even though I did those things, I just didn't feel like I was losing weight. My first two weeks of the diet I really felt my body adjusting and I really felt the weight coming off, but this week was different. Throughout this weekend I was on edge knowing that I would have to weigh in on Monday. I went to bed last night nervous and I woke up this morning even worse. In preparation for seeing a small weight loss this week I prayed on the way to the hospital that God would change my heart to focus on healthy living and not focus just on the number of pounds I lose. Then I stepped on the scale... 410.7 pounds down 6.5 pounds!!! Oh Happy Day!
It is easy to think about how much love God has for us when things are going well. Reading today through my devotions I came across the text that I have read so many times in 1 John 3:1-3 where it says:
Behold, what manner of love the Father hath bestowed upon us, that we should be called the sons of God: therefore the world knoweth us not, because it knew him not. Beloved, now are we the sons of God, and it doth not yet appear what we shall be: but we know that, when he shall appear, we shall be like him; for we shall see him as he is. And every man that hath this hope in him purifieth himself, even as he is pure.
Reading this I had some introspection going on. I asked myself questions like:
How have I reacted when things didn't go as I planned?
What was I like when I was going through tragedy?
How do I react towards my wife when I don't get my way?
I even asked... Am I weird?
You know, I am not always proud of how I have to answer all of these questions. In light of the fact that I am loved enough to be called a son of the most high God, I am also called to lived a different life. In essence, I hope to be WEIRD. My kids would tell you that being weird is not a challenge for me, but friends, I tell you it is. The passage tells us that the world does not know me, in many ways I am to be weird. Unfortunately, at times I am not different. I adapt to my surroundings AND THAT IS WRONG. When things don't go how I planned I want people to see Christ. When I go through tragedy, I want to point others to Christ. When I don't get my way in my own home I want my wife to know that she is as secure as I am in the love of Christ. To me that is not weird, that is purifying myself to become more like God. What a humbling privilege and great responsibility to be called a son of God.
It is easy to think about how much love God has for us when things are going well. Reading today through my devotions I came across the text that I have read so many times in 1 John 3:1-3 where it says:
Behold, what manner of love the Father hath bestowed upon us, that we should be called the sons of God: therefore the world knoweth us not, because it knew him not. Beloved, now are we the sons of God, and it doth not yet appear what we shall be: but we know that, when he shall appear, we shall be like him; for we shall see him as he is. And every man that hath this hope in him purifieth himself, even as he is pure.
Reading this I had some introspection going on. I asked myself questions like:
How have I reacted when things didn't go as I planned?
What was I like when I was going through tragedy?
How do I react towards my wife when I don't get my way?
I even asked... Am I weird?
You know, I am not always proud of how I have to answer all of these questions. In light of the fact that I am loved enough to be called a son of the most high God, I am also called to lived a different life. In essence, I hope to be WEIRD. My kids would tell you that being weird is not a challenge for me, but friends, I tell you it is. The passage tells us that the world does not know me, in many ways I am to be weird. Unfortunately, at times I am not different. I adapt to my surroundings AND THAT IS WRONG. When things don't go how I planned I want people to see Christ. When I go through tragedy, I want to point others to Christ. When I don't get my way in my own home I want my wife to know that she is as secure as I am in the love of Christ. To me that is not weird, that is purifying myself to become more like God. What a humbling privilege and great responsibility to be called a son of God.
Monday, February 14, 2011
You Can't Turn Around a Battleship in a Day (417.2 pounds)
I had my two week follow up appointment at New Directions today. To be honest, I was very excited to go to this meeting today. After all, my first week in the program I lost 11.2 pounds and I did all the same things this week. I knew that I would not lose quite as much this week because some of that 11.2 pounds was water weight, but I expected another big loss. I went in today and I weighed in at 417.2 pounds (a 6.6 pound weight loss.) For some reason, rather than my mind going to WOW, a 6.6 pound weight loss, it went to well, a 6.6 point weight loss. Maybe I have spent too much time watching The Biggest Loser and my mind is tempered to believe that with a guy my size a double digit weight loss every week should be expected. Sometimes, taking a step back and taking a new perspective is the best thing we can do. My today has since been filled with gratitude. I LOST 6.6 POUNDS THIS WEEK! Wait, it gets better; the nurse I talked to said that they do not really recommend exercise in the first two weeks of the diet while your body adjusts, so I have not exercised at all yet. Don't get me wrong, I will never be confused with Carl Daikeler or Tony Horton of Beachbody and P90X fame, but even moderate exercise should help me a bunch both with weight loss and with energy level, and that starts TONIGHT (I may need someone to hold me accountable to that because at my size, most every exercise has become painful.)
So that is that, like the title says, you can't turn a battleship around in a day, but with the Lord's help, all of your prayers and encouragement and hard work mixed with determination I know that I can get down to a healthy weight.
So that is that, like the title says, you can't turn a battleship around in a day, but with the Lord's help, all of your prayers and encouragement and hard work mixed with determination I know that I can get down to a healthy weight.
Monday, February 7, 2011
I am who I am. (423.8 pounds)
There are things in my life that I hunger and thirst for. At 33 years of age, those things are different from when I was a younger man. I used to hunger and thirst for thrills, for my ego to be stroked and for what I thought was satisfaction. Now, as I get a little older my appetite has changed. I hunger and thirst for authenticity, for true relationships and for love. There are a lot of people who I have met along the way that may not know the real me and I am becoming proud of who I am, so I want to tell you first a little about me.
1. I am a Christian. I am sorry to say that a lot of people that I have encountered in life do not know this. It is a sad reality that my ambition to serve myself has overtaken my love for the Lord at points in my life. Don't get me wrong, some may know me as a good guy or a kind person, but unfortunately they may not know that my joy comes from the Lord. As I search for real authentic love, 1 John 4:10 resonates when I read "This is love: not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent his son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins." That is what I am talking about! That is true, authentic and outrageous love.
2. I am a husband and father. Ruth and I have been married now for almost 15 years (6/1/96) and she is an extraordinary woman, she is far better than I could have ever hoped for. Ruth is not only my wife, but she is my best friend and I am so very thankful for her. Sarah Elaine is my oldest daughter and she is 12 and in 6th grade. Earlier this year, we decided to home school her and it has been a very good experience for both her and her mother. Sarah loves the arts, technology and fashion and I am so proud to be her daddy. Alexis Belle is my little monkey. She is 9 and in 3rd grade at the local elementary school in town. Alexis loves her gymnastics classes and loves to climb anything and everything. She is a treasure and I am very proud of her.
3. I am a weak man. Anyone who has ever met me knows that I have a huge life struggle and that is my weight. In my attempt for true transparency, I hate to write this, but last Monday (1/31/2011) I weighed in at my heaviest weight ever in my life: 435 pounds. My weigh in was a part of a weight loss program that I have enrolled in called New Directions and to me that is a perfect name. I know the direction that I have taken myself over the last many years has been the wrong direction and it is time for a New Direction. As is required by the program, I went in for blood work today and was excited to see that in the last week I lost 11.2 pounds! I know the road will be long, but I am praying and working hard to follow this New Direction for my life.
With all of that said, my weight is really secondary when it comes to my problems. The biggest struggle I have in my life is my struggle to be in constant, second by second fellowship with the Lord. Some times I feel like Paul when he says in Romans 7:15 "I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do." I know the basis for my struggle is the fact that I do not do a very good job making Christ the absolute center of every second of every day and I do hunger and thirst for that! There are many things that need fixing here: I need to spend more time each day digging in to the Word of God, I need to spend more time in solitude with the Lord in prayer, and I need to lead my family and every aspect of my life better.
4. I am missions minded. I don't know when, but I believe that at some point in my life I will be involved in full time ministry as a foreign missionary. Once again, I hunger and I thirst for that and I am willing to wait for the Lord to show me His plan.
Well, that is a short outline that gives you some detail on who I am. This blog will be my account of my struggles and my success and it is my hope that it could be an encouragement to someone along the way.
1. I am a Christian. I am sorry to say that a lot of people that I have encountered in life do not know this. It is a sad reality that my ambition to serve myself has overtaken my love for the Lord at points in my life. Don't get me wrong, some may know me as a good guy or a kind person, but unfortunately they may not know that my joy comes from the Lord. As I search for real authentic love, 1 John 4:10 resonates when I read "This is love: not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent his son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins." That is what I am talking about! That is true, authentic and outrageous love.
2. I am a husband and father. Ruth and I have been married now for almost 15 years (6/1/96) and she is an extraordinary woman, she is far better than I could have ever hoped for. Ruth is not only my wife, but she is my best friend and I am so very thankful for her. Sarah Elaine is my oldest daughter and she is 12 and in 6th grade. Earlier this year, we decided to home school her and it has been a very good experience for both her and her mother. Sarah loves the arts, technology and fashion and I am so proud to be her daddy. Alexis Belle is my little monkey. She is 9 and in 3rd grade at the local elementary school in town. Alexis loves her gymnastics classes and loves to climb anything and everything. She is a treasure and I am very proud of her.
3. I am a weak man. Anyone who has ever met me knows that I have a huge life struggle and that is my weight. In my attempt for true transparency, I hate to write this, but last Monday (1/31/2011) I weighed in at my heaviest weight ever in my life: 435 pounds. My weigh in was a part of a weight loss program that I have enrolled in called New Directions and to me that is a perfect name. I know the direction that I have taken myself over the last many years has been the wrong direction and it is time for a New Direction. As is required by the program, I went in for blood work today and was excited to see that in the last week I lost 11.2 pounds! I know the road will be long, but I am praying and working hard to follow this New Direction for my life.
With all of that said, my weight is really secondary when it comes to my problems. The biggest struggle I have in my life is my struggle to be in constant, second by second fellowship with the Lord. Some times I feel like Paul when he says in Romans 7:15 "I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do." I know the basis for my struggle is the fact that I do not do a very good job making Christ the absolute center of every second of every day and I do hunger and thirst for that! There are many things that need fixing here: I need to spend more time each day digging in to the Word of God, I need to spend more time in solitude with the Lord in prayer, and I need to lead my family and every aspect of my life better.
4. I am missions minded. I don't know when, but I believe that at some point in my life I will be involved in full time ministry as a foreign missionary. Once again, I hunger and I thirst for that and I am willing to wait for the Lord to show me His plan.
Well, that is a short outline that gives you some detail on who I am. This blog will be my account of my struggles and my success and it is my hope that it could be an encouragement to someone along the way.
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