I am who I am. (423.8 pounds)

There are things in my life that I hunger and thirst for.  At 33 years of age, those things are different from when I was a younger man.  I used to hunger and thirst for thrills, for my ego to be stroked and for what I thought was satisfaction.  Now, as I get a little older my appetite has changed.  I hunger and thirst for authenticity, for true relationships and for love.  There are a lot of people who I have met along the way that may not know the real me and I am becoming proud of who I am, so I want to tell you first a little about me.

1.  I am a Christian.  I am sorry to say that a lot of people that I have encountered in life do not know this.  It is a sad reality that my ambition to serve myself has overtaken my love for the Lord at points in my life.  Don't get me wrong, some may know me as a good guy or a kind person, but unfortunately they may not know that my joy comes from the Lord.  As I search for real authentic love, 1 John 4:10 resonates when I read "This is love:  not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent his son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins."  That is what I am talking about!  That is true, authentic and outrageous love.

2.  I am a husband and father.  Ruth and I have been married now for almost 15 years (6/1/96) and she is an extraordinary woman, she is far better than I could have ever hoped for.  Ruth is not only my wife, but she is my best friend and I am so very thankful for her.  Sarah Elaine is my oldest daughter and she is 12 and in 6th grade.  Earlier this year, we decided to home school her and it has been a very good experience for both her and her mother.  Sarah loves the arts, technology and fashion and I am so proud to be her daddy.  Alexis Belle is my little monkey.  She is 9 and in 3rd grade at the local elementary school in town.  Alexis loves her gymnastics classes and loves to climb anything and everything.  She is a treasure and I am very proud of her.

3.  I am a weak man.  Anyone who has ever met me knows that I have a huge life struggle and that is my weight.  In my attempt for true transparency, I hate to write this, but last Monday (1/31/2011) I weighed in at my heaviest weight ever in my life:  435 pounds.  My weigh in was a part of a weight loss program that I have enrolled in called New Directions and to me that is a perfect name.  I know the direction that I have taken myself over the last many years has been the wrong direction and it is time for a New Direction.  As is required by the program, I went in for blood work today and was excited to see that in the last week I lost 11.2 pounds!  I know the road will be long, but I am praying and working hard to follow this New Direction for my life.

With all of that said, my weight is really secondary when it comes to my problems.  The biggest struggle I have in my life is my struggle to be in constant, second by second fellowship with the Lord.  Some times I feel like Paul when he says in Romans 7:15 "I do not understand what I do.  For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do."  I know the basis for my struggle is the fact that I do not do a very good job making Christ the absolute center of every second of every day and I do hunger and thirst for that!  There are many things that need fixing here:  I need to spend more time each day digging in to the Word of God, I need to spend more time in solitude with the Lord in prayer, and I need to lead my family and every aspect of my life better.

4.  I am missions minded.  I don't know when, but I believe that at some point in my life I will be involved in full time ministry as a foreign missionary.  Once again, I hunger and I thirst for that and I am willing to wait for the Lord to show me His plan.


Well, that is a short outline that gives you some detail on who I am.  This blog will be my account of my struggles and my success and it is my hope that it could be an encouragement to someone along the way.