There were several catalysts for me losing weight (267.4 pounds)

Last night, Ruth and I watched the season finale for The Biggest Loser.  It was very sobering to watch that show knowing what God has done in my own body.  There were a lot of people on that show that have lost less than me, and some who have lost more than me.  It was interesting to hear what motivated these people to lose weight.  Some of the people lost weight for love, some for family, some for money and yet others were driven to lose weight by the iron will of their trainer.  I got to thinking, what drove me to lose weight?  I would submit to you that there were several catalysts for me losing weight and some of them were:

1.  In being morbidly obese, I was being blatantly defiant to God.  I was in essence telling God that my desires were more important to me than being in a right relationship with him.

2.  Being morbidly obese was prohibiting me from being where I am supposed to be.  God has called my family to be missionaries in Bangladesh.  If I would have gone to Bangladesh at 435 pounds, I would not be nearly as effective in my ministry as I will be able to be at a normal weight.

3.  My love for my family.  There is nothing on earth I love more than Ruth, Sarah and Alexis.  I want to do my best to grow old with my wife and be around as my children have children of their own.

4.  Encouragement from friends and family.

So, in the spirit of The Biggest Loser finale, I will give you my statistics to date.

Weight
1/31/2011     435.0 pounds
12/12/2011   267.4 pounds

Body Mass Index
1/31/2011       59.0%
12/12/2011     36.3%

Total percent of body weight loss = 38.5%

there is a God, and I am not Him. (268.8 pounds)

In the movie Rudy, the character that played Notre Dame President Father John J. Cavanaugh said "...in 35 years of religious study, I have only come up with two hard incontrovertible facts: there is a God, and I'm not Him."  Today, I am so very glad that this statement is true.  As many of you may recall, I was very distraught last week when I learned that the people that were going to rent my house fell through.   I have come to realize, however, that God's plans are better than my own.  There was a renter for my house that was a good qualified tenant, but they were not the right tenants for my home.  I am so happy to tell you that God brought another family to us who are interested in our home.  That is great news, but it gets even better!  God has brought us a family that not only really likes our home, but get this: they want to rent it for 2 years!!!  I will never get tired of witnessing God's mighty acts in answering prayer!

Effectively managing stress can be a big challenge to weight loss. (270.0 pounds)

Effectively managing stress can be a big challenge to weight loss.  Right now in my life, stress is mounting.  Ruth, the girls and I are seeking God and expect our departure day for Bangladesh to be in 36 days.  There are many stressful things to navigate through between now and then.  The biggest stress for me though is regarding my house.  We have decided to rent our house out for the first two years as missionaries.  After two years, we will come home and will most likely list our home for sale and auction off our belongings.  Just over a week ago a gentleman heard that our home was available for rent through a dear friend of mine and contacted us.  This gentleman was moving to my area from Chicago for work and after seeing our home, he decided to rent it!  What a stress relief this was and certainly something to be very thankful for!

Today though, stress reared its ugly head in a big way in my life when this gentleman called and informed me that he had decided not to rent my home and decided to rent another home.  After a short conversation I wished him the absolute best and hung up the phone feeling like I had just been socked in the (now smaller) gut.  Other than crying, the first thing that I wanted to do after hearing this news was to eat a lot of candy bars.  I did do one of those two activities, but I am proud to say that it was not eating the candy bars!

My belief that God already has a renter picked out for my house has not changed.  Yes, I submit to you that the person I thought was going to be my renter is indeed not that person, but they were obviously not the right person either.  In fact, I am glad that they decided never to move in rather than moving out after not paying any payments months after moving in with my family being in Bangladesh all the while.

When I become burdened by stress, my initial desire is to fall back to the trusty comfort of food when really I need to instead rest in Christ.  Today I am weary, and rather than eating I need rest.

Matthew 11:28-30  Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.

I praise God that He has chosen such a flawed man like me to help others. (270.6 pounds)

A few week ends ago our family had the great opportunity to share our life's story and our passion for Bangladesh with Ruth's parents church in Plymouth, Indiana.  After speaking in Sunday School, I was approached by a gentleman who was asking me about my weight loss.  He told me that it was of particular interest to him because he had a grandson who was in need of losing a lot of weight.  I asked this gentleman if he would ask his grandson if I could take him to dinner some night and he told me he would ask him and let me know.  We exchanged contact information and went on our respective ways.  I was pleasantly surprised the next week when the grandfather did, in fact, contact me and I scheduled dinner with the grandson for the following Thursday night. 

Fast forward a couple of weeks and the grandson now has a name (Aaron) and we have had dinner together a couple of times with the most recent time being tonight.  Aaron is 18 years old, 6'4" and 425 pounds.  Anyone seeing Aaron would see him as a big dude.  Aaron reminds me a lot of myself.  Aaron really enjoys a lot of the same things I enjoy and I know the hurts he feels far to well.  I am not talking about the pain that being 400+lbs. physically inflicts on your body.  Rather, I am speaking for the far more debilitating emotional pain that being morbidly obese causes.

There is no doubt in my mind that God has done and continues to do a miracle in my body.  Because I have experienced this, I have the rare ability to speak with conviction to Aaron and any of the other over 30% of Americans who are obese.  I do not have medical expertise to offer Aaron nor can I serve as a master dietitian for him.  All I can offer him is hope.  It is my desire in the coming weeks to continue to share with Aaron that God is willing and able to do an amazing work in his life. 

Friends, please pray for Aaron.  Please pray first that Aaron will encounter God through the saving grace of His son Jesus Christ.  Also, please pray that Aaron will be willing and obedient to do what is good and right with regards to his weight. 

To have gone through all of the things that I have in the last year'ish has been incredibly humbling.  Moreover, to be used of the Lord to help others is earth shaking to me.  I praise God that He has chosen to use such a flawed man like me to help others!

Same (274.8 pounds)

For the first time since January 31, 2011 I weighed the same as last week.  I am happy to not have increased in weight, but excited about a loss next week!

I need to keep focused and committed to what is right (274.8 pounds)

I have looked in the mirror every single day since I started my diet on 1/31/2011.  Because I have looked in the mirror every day, I do not see a significant loss in my body size.  This weekend that all really changed a bit for me.  Ruth and I were talking to a gentleman on Sunday and he was asking me questions about my weight loss.  I asked Ruth to find some family pictures of ours prior to me losing weight.  When she found some, I must say that I was shocked at how big I was.  In a similar fashion to not seeing myself as a bit smaller now because it was a gradual thing, I also had not noticed just how huge I had gotten.  I don't think any of us would ever start compromising if we knew that when we woke up tomorrow morning our lives would be handicapped by our choices.  Rather, we make small compromises that don't really amount to much until you look a ways down the road when the path of our life is greatly altered by making small concessions.  This weekend was a stark reminder that I need to keep focused and committed to what is right.  Deviating from what is right, even a little can lead to disastrous results.

a bounce-back week (279.6 pounds)

This week was a bounce-back week.  I lost 4.4 pounds this week which is exciting even though the previous week I gained 2.8 pounds.  Sometimes in life we will all have disappointments.  Coming to the understanding that it is how you react to those disappointments is what separates good from great.  This can be true in business, in diet, in family life, in your relationship with God or any category of your life.  Keeping proper perspective is so critically important when trying to accomplish whatever your goal may be.


Today, I am also going to throw down the gauntlet.  Several weeks ago my friend Clint Troyer and I agreed that we would race to 250 lbs.  Clint, I am at 279.6 where are you, brother?

what are your "almonds?" (284.0 pounds)

As a huge sports fan it is easy for me to think about and understand strategy, especially the strategy of keying in on the weakness of your opponent.  I am reminded of that this week.  I have an enemy who is Satan.  My enemy knows my weaknesses and is looking to attack those weaknesses to defeat me.  One of my weaknesses is self control with regards to food.  This week, I saw my enemy chip away at me with regards to this weakness.  No, I did not go out and go crazy at the Chinese Buffet, I did not go have Bang Bang shrimp at The Bonefish, or eat a sweet potato with all the fixings; I have too much resolve to do any of those things.  My struggle this week instead was one of justification.  One thing I have really missed on my diet has been eating all kinds of nuts.  I enjoy almonds, cashews, Brazil nuts, pecans and especially walnuts.  This week I decided that I was going to treat myself and eat some nuts.  I did some research and came to the conclusion that almonds would be the most healthy way to go.  I went to the store and found a variety of Blue Diamond almonds that were flavored with soy sauce and wasabi.  Friends, let me tell you, those almonds are outstanding!  One ounce of these almonds is 170 calories and 3 net carbs.  These almonds not only tasted fantastic, but they certainly fit on my diet.  Well, I know what you are thinking... If they are tasty and fit on your diet, what is the problem?  The problem is not with the almonds, the problem is that this week I did not eat the almonds in moderation.  I ate an ounce for morning snack, a couple of ounces here and a couple of ounces there and next thing you know, I was sneaking almonds and I was not accounting for them on my food diary.  My enemy knows me well.  To use a sports analogy; he has reviewed all of my game tape and he knows all of my tendencies.  The Bible tells us how to react towards this enemy in 1 Peter 5:8 "Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour"  Make no mistake!  Your enemy wants to defeat you; he wants to devour you.  He has seen your game tape and he knows your every tendency.  Friends, we must be sober or of a right mind and vigilant or alert and watchful or we will be defeated.  This week was a painful lesson of that for me.  I gained 2.8 pounds this week.  If I remember, I have never gained that much in any week since I started my life change.  This week was a kick in the gut.  My choice from here is simple; I can give in or I can step up.  I am choosing the latter.  Time to put a kink in the game plan that the enemy has not seen on my game tape!

Friends, what are your "almonds?"

What an encouraging week (281.2 pounds)

What an encouraging week!  I weighed in on Tuesday rather than my typical Monday because I had a meeting I had to attend on Monday in Indianapolis.  When I finally did get to weigh in on Tuesday, I was pleasantly surprised when the scales showed I had lost an incredible 6.0 pounds!  I don't really know why or how I lost more weight this week as I did all of the same things, but I am most certainly NOT complaining!

Another great week in weight loss. (287.2 pounds)

It has been yet another great week in weight loss as I lost 3.2 pounds.  Next week should be a special edition of my blog as I should be over 150 pounds lost cumulatively.  I stand in awe of the amazing miracle that God continues to do in both my body and my heart.

33 weeks in (290.4 pounds)

Well, I am 33 weeks in to my bodily life change and I am down 144.6 pounds altogether.  I am losing on average an amazing 4.38 pounds per week and I am in awe!  To be expected, my average weight loss per week has gone down a bit in recent weeks, but If I can stay around 2.5 -3.0  pounds per week I could lose a staggering 200 pounds in one year and be under 250 pounds in January of 2012.

I have chronicled a bit in prior posts about my lack of belief that I could ever lose weight.  There is however no way that I could ever detail in print my dark feeling of defeat when it comes to my weight.  I guess you could say that I believed that God could do miracles, but there was this one thing that I thought was too big (no pun intended) even for God.  I truly felt my weight was a lost cause. 

I am a very sociable person and my eyes have been opened to a lot of people like me.  I remember going to a few open casting calls for the show The Biggest Loser.  One casting call in particular stands out to me that we went to in Chicago.  My friend Clint and I got a hotel room across the street from the TV studio where the open casting call was in preparation of getting up early the next morning to get in line for the call.  We had a view from our room at the Embassy Suites of where the line would form.  We went to sleep around 1 a.m. and there was no line at all, but when we woke to our alarm at 3 a.m. and looked out our window there was a line a half of a block long of people waiting to have their chance at the open casting that would start at 9 a.m.   We quickly got ready and dressed and headed out to get in line on a cold and snowy day in Chicago.  By the time we got in line, we were the 565th and 566th people in line.  As the day wore on, it was expressed to everyone in line that there were well over 10,000 obese people that showed up for this open casting call in Chicago.  In a similar situation, My friends Clint, Jon and I went to the open casting call in Columbus, OH.  This time we were determined not to be as far back in line as we were in Chicago, so we took out chairs and headed out to get in line at 11 p.m.  We were people 12, 13 and 14 if I remember correctly.  While standing in line, I had hope.  I believed I would have been a good fit for the show and I believed I would get on to a TV show that would change my life as we have seen over and over again on the phenomenon that is The Biggest Loser.  As time passed without a phone call that they wanted to interview me further, I was discouraged and settled back into the belief that I would just always be a morbidly obese person.

There are countless people within my own zip code that doubtlessly feel defeated in the same way I did.  There is good news though and that is that I know from experience that there is hope!  Everyone has different life experiences that God can use to help them show others that there is hope.  One of my life experiences is with my weight, yours may be with alcoholism or drug addiction, divorce, fear of aging, struggles with children, financial ruin, struggles with immorality, anxiety in sharing your testimony with other, the list could go on and on.  The point is that you have the ability to choose to positively impact others or just sit back and waste your talents.  I encourage you today to use your  story to help others.  After all, the only reason that I am in the program that I am in is because my friend Jon who I love and respect has also struggled with his weight most of his life and he had success with the program I am in and he came along side of me, loved me and encouraged me even when I did not know that I was not ready to change.  Who do you have in your life that loves and respects you that you could use your talents to help?  Think about it!

Notre Dame Football (293.0 pounds)

I sure hope I do not live to regret this blog post (I guess this is not a good way to start my post...)

I have done more self evaluation in the last 12 months than at any other time in my life.  I have learned to face my shortcomings and cultivate my strengths.  Today, I want to be open and transparent and journal about something that I have been avoiding facing for a long time. 

Anyone who knows me, knows that I am a college football fan.  More specifically, I am a Notre Dame Football enthusiast.  I am not a fair weather fan, but a die-hard fanatical Notre Dame nut.  I enjoy the exhilaration of victory and I  mourn the agony of defeat.  It has been no secret to those closest to me that my emotions could be vastly different depending on the outcome of the Notre Dame game on any given fall Saturday.  In years gone by, it has been easy for me to pass this by as acceptable behavior because that is what real men do... they watch football and are happy if their team is on top and grouchy if their team struggles.  By now, most everyone knows that the last two weeks have been particularly difficult for me with regards to the outcomes of the ND games and especially the way they have lost both games.

Since Saturday night after the huge kick in the gut that was the loss to Michigan, I really started having some introspection.  I have been asking myself questions like:

Why is Notre Dame football so valuable to me that I let it impact my frame of mind and emotions?
Is Notre Dame football so important that I can excuse bad behavior?
Has Notre Dame football become an idol in my life?
If Notre Dame losing a game steals joy from me, should I detach myself from it?
Is Notre Dame ever gonna be relevant again (I know it doesn't fit with the rest of the questions, sorry...)
Does Notre Dame football impact me in a negative way?
After a Notre Dame loss do I model Christ-like behavior?
Do my wife and daughters believe I value Notre Dame football too much?
Does Notre Dame football cost me more than it is worth (not monetarily, rather in my life?)

After thinking about these questions and many others, I am not ready to make any rash decision, but I can tell you that my life does need change in this area like so many others.  I am not here to say that Notre Dame football is bad (wait, I am not saying they are not bad, because at 0-2 with 9 turnovers in 2 games and 960 yards of total offense and only 51 points to show for it, they are bad.)  I am not saying that any sport or sports in general are bad.  What I am saying though is that if you or I put (fill in your favorite sport, hobby or recreation here) in a position over God, family, country etc. it is wrong.

I have reached one conclusion with regards to this.  I have decided that until I have sorted all of this out and come to a place that I can be pleasing to God no matter the result of the Notre Dame game on any given weekend I will not watch another snap of any college football game.  (Just so you know, I typed, deleted and re-typed that last sentence three times before I worked up the courage to leave it there in print.) 

I have learned this year that change can be very painful, but whether it be with my weight, my priorities or any other of so many things; it is paramount to my health and relationship with God.

PRAISE THE LORD!!! (295.2 pounds)

I cried when I saw this today:

PRAISE THE LORD!!!

God makes no mistakes (300.4 pounds)

I was reminded of one of my favorite songs this week.   It was written by Kim Moore and sang by Mac and Beth Lynch.  The lyrics go like this:

My life I give to you O Lord use me I pray
May I glorify your precious name In all I do and say
Let me trust you in the valley dark as well as in the light
Knowing you will always lead me Your will is always right

I know God makes no mistakes
He leads in every path I take along the way that's leading me to home
Tho at times my heart would break there's a purpose in every change he makes
That others would see my life and know that God makes no mistakes

And when some day in heaven above I see his dear face
May I then be counted faithful as a runner in this race
Now I'm trusting in the Savior to show me the way
In his righteousness He guides me as I seek to please him day by day

I know God makes no mistakes
He leads in every path I take along the way that's leading me to home
Tho at times my heart would break there's a purpose in every change he makes
That others would see my life and know that God makes no mistakes

If you care to hear the song you could find it at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BFB_g8k0WQM

This song was a good reminder for me that when unexpected things in life occur, God is not surprised.  This week I needed a firm reminder that my plans are not as important as the Lord's and sometimes I need to just back off! 

Alright, on to weight loss... I have talked many times about perspective.  I lost 4 pounds this week.  Typically I would be excited about that.  This week though I was really hoping for 4.5 pounds.  Instead, I am just a sliver over 300 pounds still.  God is so good and He makes no mistakes.  I just want you to know that next weeks post to my blog will be very special to me!

Isn't it a waste? (304.4 pounds)

I had the distinct privilege to speak with a man whom I had never met before this week while waiting on a closing to start.  Our conversation began with the state of the mortgage industry and quickly moved to the future.  He was intending to talk about the future of the mortgage industry, but I took this opportunity (like many before and many to come) to talk about what God is doing with my life.  After telling this gentleman of the plans of my family he asked me this question:  Isn't it a waste?  At that moment, the reality of perspective set in.  I had just gotten done telling this man how well things had been going for me and how fortunate and blessed I am.  From his perspective, I was throwing all of my hard work and success away.  I was able to share with him a quote from the Francis Chan book Crazy Love that I read some time ago that has resonated with me since I read it.  The quote reads "Our greatest fear should not be of failure but of succeeding at things in life that don't really matter."  I was able to relate this to him in a way that gave me the opportunity to share my story and the story of Jesus with this man.  What a privilege I had to share such important truths with a man I had never before met.  Alas, our conversation ended too soon.  I don't know if I will ever have the privilege to meet this man again, but I do know my time was not and will not be wasted.

It was a slow week in weight loss at 1.8 pounds, but man am I getting close to my next goal!

I am smiling as I sit at my computer right now (306.2 pounds)

It is so exciting to me to think that in under 3 weeks the Notre Dame football season will kickoff.  I am smiling as I sit here at my computer right now thinking about the prospect of sitting in Notre Dame Stadium under 300 lbs.  Looking back at the last 6 months and thinking about the miracle that has been going on inside of me just makes me so very thankful that I serve the one true God!

If you are looking to lose weight you need to PRAY! (310.0 pounds)

I was listening to the radio on Saturday and the DJ was asking people to call in and give him advice on how to lose weight.  Now, I will admit that I am no expert on weight loss even though I have had some success with it lately.  The answers that people were sharing were ones that I have heard many times before like:

Don't eat after 7pm.
When you get the munchies, eat veggies instead of chips and chocolate.
Drink a lot of water.
Stop drinking pop.

The list went on and on.  I attempted to call and didn't get through, but I have some advice that I wanted to share so I thought I would do it here.

If you are looking to lose weight you need to PRAY!  For me, I pray that the Lord would make the smaller amount of food that I eat satisfying.  I pray that my appetite for the things I should be eating would remain and my appetite for the things I should not eat would be diminished.  Most of all though I pray that God would let me use my story to share the Gospel of Jesus Christ with others around me. 

You see, even after losing 120 pounds I know that I still have a problem with the sin of gluttony.  If I give myself over my desires, I will put that 120 pounds back on just as fast (if not faster) than I lost it.  Knowing this, I have tried to share my story with as many people as I can.  In doing this, I have a built in accountability that I NEED!  All of you as my friends and family are part of my accountability network when it comes to my weight.  If I stop posting on this blog that most likely means that I am not doing well and I hope some of you will contact me and urge me on.  Experientially I do know that I could never have lost the weight I have lost on my own.  Additionally, I know that on my own I will not lose the weight that I still need to lose.  If I go this alone, I know that I will gain back every pound that I ever lost and more.  With this all being true I need to rely on the grace and power that I have through Christ.  He is the only way that I have had any success at all.  I just wish I could have shared that on the radio on Saturday with 100's of more people.

I lost 3.8 pounds this week and 125 pounds so far total.  God amazes me every day with the miracle he is doing in me.

God has called my family to GO! (313.8 pounds)

I was fortunate enough to marry my high school sweat heart.  There are so many things that I appreciate about my wife (of 15 years now.)  One thing that I have often times taken for granted is that Ruth and I line up so very closely on things that are very important in our lives as parents and as husband and wife.  One of the things Ruth and I have always seen eye to eye on was God's calling on our lives.  I must pause to say that there have been periods of my life where I let other things get in the way of my pursuit of the Lord's calling, but it was never far from my mind.  For over fifteen years, Ruth and I have known that God wants us serve as full time missionaries on a foreign field.  For almost 15 years, I have been too busy to pursue this calling or making excuses on why we should not go.  For the longest time, I have used the excuse that I should stay here and work and give so that others could go, but the reality is that God has called my family and me to GO!    So, here is my public declaration:

Alexis, Sarah, Ruth and I are going to follow the Lord and become missionaries.  We have been called by God to go to the country of Bangladesh.  It is estimated that over 90% of Bengali people are Muslims and less than 1% are Christians.  My family and I would never have chosen the field of Bangladesh if we were given a choice based on our own desires, but we are willing to give God the preeminence in our lives and we are thrilled to be going to Bangladesh.  I will post more information at another time on what we will be doing in Bangladesh, but in the mean time please pray for us.  Pray for my daughters who are also open to God's calling to go to Bangladesh, but they will be learning about the pain that comes at times with following Christ.  Pray for my wife as she is preparing school supplies for our girls as she will be homeschooling them when we get to the field.  Pray that God would be working in the hearts of people who would partner with us as we get ready to raise support to go to the field.  Most importantly though please pray for the men, women and children of Bangladesh that they would be receptive to the saving grace of Jesus Christ.  Lastly, please pray with me as I prepare to talk to the team in my corporate office to tell them all of our plans.  I am scheduled to take them all to lunch on 8/17 where I will be telling them of my families plans.  This will be an especially difficult time for me as I have grown to know these people well and consider them all friends and I love them a great deal.

This information will come as a surprise to some of you and any time you have questions I would love to be able to answer them (574-386-3456.)

After a bad week last week, this week in weight loss was awesome!  I am proud to say that I lost 8 pounds this week!  I am currently at 313.8 pounds and 299.9 is in plain sight!
  

Heritage (321.8 pounds)

I learn more and more with each passing day of my life.  One thing I have become particularly thankful for as I get a little older is my family's heritage.  I have much to be proud of when it comes to the fabric I was cut out of.  I am especially thankful too that my wife has an amazing heritage.  I have written previously about my wife's father who is one of my heroes and I could easily write a journal of my admiration for my mother-in-law and I am sure I someday will.  Today though I want to honor Ruth's grandpa, John David Hilty.

There are many admirable things that stand out to me about Grandpa Hilty.  A couple of years ago, some family members met one evening for dinner.  I have long known that Grandpa Hilty was a wonderful farmer, but that night I learned something that taught me just how great of a farmer Grandpa Hilty was.  Grandpa Hilty was honored in a farmers gazette many years ago because he was the first farmer in all of Ohio to yield 100 bushels of corn per acre.  This is amazing in and of itself, but it was increasingly impressive when I learned that Grandpa Hilty accomplished this on virgin soil (soil that had never been commercially farmed before.)  I will always remember Grandpa Hilty as a very wise man and a man with an amazing work ethic.  When I think through the children, grandchildren and great grand children of Grandpa Hilty, I see a group of people, who like Grandpa are very smart and are very hard workers.

Another thing that stands out about Grandpa Hilty was how much he loved Grandma.  I have fantastic memories of Grandma helping Grandpa and Grandpa helping Grandma, and it was great seeing how they preserved through life together because of their great love for one another for 62 years of marriage before Grandma Hilty passed away just a few years ago.  This love that Grandpa exhibited did not just end with Grandma, but it over flowed to all of his family.  I will always remember Grandpa Hilty being a man who has encouraged his family to make restitution one with another and a man who loved every person in his family.

Grandpa Hilty is a man of valor.  Grandpa Hilty was a soldier who fought to protect the freedoms that we enjoy today.  I never one time heard Grandpa "toot his own horn" about his accomplishments while serving in a war time, but I am positive there were many.  I would have never known that Grandpa Hilty was the recipient of a Purple Heart except for the fact that my wife told me.  I also never heard Grandpa complain about his time in the service even though I am sure that his time was far less than enjoyable.  Additionally, I have never heard Grandpa talk negatively about the politics of our day.  I always had the feeling that Grandpa was so proud of the greatest country on earth that he didn't feel it necessary to bash modern policy or any politician from either side of the aisle.  Grandpa Hilty is a great Patriot.

There are so many other great things that I could tell you about Grandpa Hilty and anyone who ever knew him will miss him so very deeply.

John David Hilty April 5, 1918 - July 23, 2011

Getting closer (321.6 pounds)

The best things in life often come with challenges.  Think about it, in order to get to the scrumptious morsel of crab meat, you must take on the tedious and at times painful task of opening the shell.  To save money by working on your own car, you must spend time and energy reading a repair manual only to almost certainly come up short on some very important detail.  To become the father you want to be you must be selfless and long-suffering.  To become the husband that you need to be you need to love the Lord and love your wife more than you love yourself.

There are many examples of things that are very difficult, painful, annoying or heartbreaking that we encounter in life that require perseverance in order to get the full reward.  I mentioned in my very first blog entry some of my own struggles.  I am making positive progress with regards to some of my struggles.  One area that I really feel like I am progressing in is my relationship with the Lord.  Please let me tell you that at times this is a real struggle.  I really enjoy reading, but my appetite is often greater for other books than it is for the Bible.  My desire to talk to the Lord is increasing, but it still isn't where I want it to be.  I am becoming more eager to share the greatness of the gospel of Jesus Christ when given the opportunity and I am getting better day by day at the challenge of denying myself.  You see, I have a desire to have a constant, minute by minute relationship with my Lord.  I am not where I want to be, but every day I am getting closer.

I am excited that I have lost weight for another week.  Yes, the weight loss is slowing a bit, but the end result is my focus not the temporary result.  I will take a 2.6 pound loss because at a pace of around 2.6 pounds per week I will still be under 300 pounds by Labor Day!

What though the odds be great or small (324.2 pounds)

There are so many things in life that bring me enjoyment that I have not been able to do ever since the time that I really started getting big.  Some of those things are:

*  riding rides at amusement parks, fairs and carnivals - when a normal sized person harnesses in the harness makes a series of several clicks as it locks in and tightens.  With me, if I could fit in the seat I would hear click (just one...)  I never felt comfortable about CLICK, I wanted many clicks just in case "click" gave way.
*  Racing with my family in go-carts - My family all enjoy riding these and this will be great.
*  Going in to a restaurant and not worrying if they place you in a booth or at a table
*  Not having to worry about my seat assignment on an airplane.  One time I was flying to Dallas, Texas to visit a friend and I booked two seats as to not be an inconvenience to the person I was sitting next to.  The ticketing agent asked me who the name was on seat 1 and I told her my name.  She asked me who was seated in seat 2 and I once again told her my name.  I told her I was a big dude and I needed two seats.  She then informed me that I could book 2 seats, but she could not guarantee they would be together... I then proceeded to cancel my ticket request.  It sure will be nice not to have to bother with that.

There are a bunch of other things that came to mind, but there is one thing that I am looking forward to as much if not more than any of the rest.  I used to go to every single Notre Dame home football game and also traveled to many away games.  A few years ago, I really got to thinking how unfair it was that I would go to a game and take up all of my seat and half of my neighbor's seat.  As a result, I stopped going to games because I did not feel right about making someone else uncomfortable.  Well, I anticipate that by opening weekend of this year, I will be under 300 pounds.  I will not go to every game this year and most likely will not travel to any away games, but when I walk to my seat in Notre Dame Stadium if I am able to attend a game this year my sense of accomplishment will be great.  As the song goes, "What though the odds be great or small" sometimes it really doesn't matter the size of the mountain you are up against, it is about your faith that can move that mountain.

Well, since the clinic was closed last week, I weighed in today and lost 6.8 pounds in the last two weeks.  That is a slower weight loss than a lot of two week periods, but I am thrilled about losing an average of half a pound per day.

Oh yeah, one more thing... GO IRISH, beat Michigan!

This week I am 3 pounds closer to being the man God intended me to be (331 pounds)

My gracious and loving wife has been married to me for 15 years this month.  Before we got married, my wife and I dated for 3 years.  I had an exciting thought this weekend:  I don't know exactly what I weighed when Ruth and I started dating, but I know that I have weighed over 300 pounds since my freshman year in high school.  That means that at some point in the not-too-distant future, I will weigh less than I ever have since we have been together.  I have weighed over 300 pounds for more than 1/2 of my life to this point and it is thrilling to know that I will be under 300 pounds before too long.  These thoughts are especially sobering to me when I think that 6 months ago I remember telling my friend Jon Long that I did not believe I could lose weight.  I remember telling Jon that just after I had seen God do a miraculous work in my life.

In my professional life, I tell people how to manage debt.  As a mortgage loan officer, I have encouraged my friends and clients to budget for well over 10 years now.  The sad reality however is that while I counseled others on managing debt, my own debt was out of control.  In June of last year, the Lord convicted me that I needed to change that.  For the first time in my life, I charted all of my debt on a spreadsheet and it was breathtaking.  When I charted my  debt in 2010, aside from my home mortgage I had $87,900 in debt.  I prayed and begged God to do a miraculous work in my life.  I begged the Lord to enable me to pay off my debt in 6 months.  Well, the Lord did not pay off our debt in 6 months, rather He paid off that $87,900 in debt in 6 month and 2 weeks, The second week of January 2011 all of that debt was paid in full!

Even after experiencing that amazing miracle, I remember thinking that debt was one thing, but my weight was an insurmountable goal.  In fact, I remember telling Jon that it would be easier to tackle a million dollars in debt than tackle my weight issue.  I sit here today a man who is humbled by God's grace and broken when I think of how much He loves me.  It is sobering to me to think that because of my lack of faith, I have confined the work that Christ has been able to do through me.  Friends, what things are you harboring that are limiting you from accomplishing all that you were meant to accomplish? 

This week I am 3 pounds closer to being the man God intended me to be.

101 pounds never felt so good! (334 pounds)

Our lesson last night in church really struck a chord with me.  The teaching was on I Peter 4:1-7 where the Bible says:

¹Forasmuch then as Christ hath suffered for us in the flesh, arm yourselves likewise with the same mind: for he that hath suffered in the flesh hath ceased from sin; ²That he no longer should live the rest of his time in the flesh to the lusts of men, but to the will of God. ³For the time past of our life may suffice us to have wrought the will of the Gentiles, when we walked in lasciviousness, lusts, excess of wine, revellings, banquetings, and abominable idolatries: ⁴Wherein they think it strange that ye run not with them to the same excess of riot, speaking evil of you: ⁵Who shall give account to him that is ready to judge the quick and the dead. ⁶For for this cause was the gospel preached also to them that are dead, that they might be judged according to men in the flesh, but live according to God in the spirit. ⁷But the end of all things is at hand: be ye therefore sober, and watch unto prayer.

In particular, verse 2 stuck out to me with regards to the road I have been on long term with my weight.  There is no secret that I have given myself over to the "lusts of men" when it comes to eating (making food my idol.) Verse 2 is great though because it explains where I am.  I do not want to live the rest of my life giving in to the lust of my body, rather I want to concede my will to the will of my Father in Heaven.

Oh yeah, in case you were wondering... I lost 6.8 pounds this week which means I have lost over 100 pounds in the last 20 weeks!  Believe me when I tell you that 101 pounds never felt so good!

I am healthier than I was last week (340.8 pounds)

Tough week for sure, I gained 3.4 pounds.  How that could be, I really don't know.  I did all the right things this week and only cheated by eating 2 small pieces of watermelon.  I don't know how or why I gained weight this week, but I do feel that even though I gained weight I am healthier than I was last week.  I am trying to talk myself in to not being discouraged about this hiccup.  I lost 95+ pounds by making wise choices and I will lose the next 95+ pounds by making wise choices as well.  Yes, it is a bummer, but my resolve has not been shaken.

I am resolved (337.4 pounds)

On this past Saturday, a close friend of mine and I left for a few days of relaxation in the sun in Mexico.  We had booked a resort that was all inclusive (all food and drinks are included.)  Well, I have never really been attracted to drinking, so I knew that saying no thank you to drinks would not be a problem.  All of the great looking food and deserts on the other hand, were standing in the way of my continued weight loss success. 

It is awesome when the Lord puts something in your mind and you know that He is the one who puts it there.  This happened to me on Saturday night when the hymn "I am resolved" started to run through my mind.  The first verse goes like this:

I am resolved no longer to linger,
Charmed by world's delight,
Things that are higher, things that are nobler,
These have allured my sight.

This song played through my head throughout my vacation and served as a reminder that I have been charmed for too long by the delights that world offers and because of it I was fat, broke and bald (OK, maybe the baldness didn't come from the world's delight, but it fit there.)  When I gave the Lord's will preeminence in my life, things that are higher and things that are nobler came in to focus for me.

So, to answer the question, I did not cheat on my diet on vacation, not even a nibble.  It was not hard to be focused, there were plenty of great foods that fit in my diet that I ate and enjoyed.  I had egg white omelette's with ham, jalapenos and onion and cheese for breakfasts, I had raw tuna and salmon for dinner one night, chicken breast and salad for one meal and  a steak another night.  The food was great and fulfilling because I didn't compromise.  No matter what the scales would have said this morning, I felt great.  I felt elated though when it said I lost another 9.8 pounds in the last week and a half!

My father-in-law is one of the greatest men I know. (347.2 pounds)

There are so many things that I admire about my father-in-law.  It would be easy for me to detail his quiet wisdom, his compassion for others or his unbridled love and protection for his family.  I could tell you all about his faith by his actions, not only by his words.  I could tell you about his undying love for my mother in law because he shows me how much he loves her every time I am around them.  Another thing that I really admire about him though is that he would never waive his accomplishments in your face, although there are many.  My father in law has raised and continues to raise 14 children to know and honor the Lord.  He has taught his family to work hard, but has also shown them the importance of having fun together.  My father in law has taught me so much, not the least of these is about patriotism.  I rarely hear my father in law talk about his service to our country and I am not going to embarrass him by telling you about all of his awards, but they are very, very awe inspiring.  You see, my father in law is a great man.  He has never told me how great he is with his words, but I feel so very lucky to know him.  My father in law is one of the greatest men I know.  I want to honor you today dad for your service to God, family and country.  Very well done!

Today I weighed in with a loss of 6 pounds.  For the first time in as long as I can remember I am under 350 pounds and that fires me up!

Courageous (353.2 pounds)

As I have said all along, I am losing weight for my long term health and not for the instant gratification of putting up big numbers every week (I do excited about big numbers though.)  All that being said, I fully believe that the 1.6 pounds that I lost this week is every bit as much of a miracle as the 7.8 pounds I lost last week.  I did have some moments of break through last week.  I had my best tennis lesson I have ever had.  I was able to go the full hour without taking a break and at the end I was not completely gassed.  This week I was able to sit through a movie at the movie theater without eating popcorn which is the first time I can ever remember doing that.  This week I cut the grass for the first time in a long time.  This even may not sound like a big deal to you, but I didn't fit so well on the lawn mower before.  There are moments of affirmation every week that sustain me.

Since I made mention of the movie I went to this week I want to tell you a little about it.  I was invited by a dear pastor friend or mine to a pre-release viewing of the movie Courageous.  Courageous is written and produced by Sherwood Pictures who have also written and produced the movies Flywheel, Facing the Giants and most recently Fireproof.  With Courageous, for the fist time ever I was able to say "that was a good movie" without adding the qualifier "for a Christian movie."  Don't get me wrong, I liked all of the other movies they have produced along with other Christian movies, but this is the first time I thought that the production was on par with other Hollywood movies.  After seeing Courageous, I can highly recommend it.  Courageous is a very funny movie with a great story and serves as a catalyst for action that can pay great dividends in families in our country and abroad.  The film will be in theaters on 9/30/2011 and I would strongly encourage everyone to see it and to take friends with them, you will not be sorry.  Do yourself a favor and watch the attached movie trailer and then do you friends and their families a favor and take them to the movie with you on 9/30/11.

Can you imagine carrying around 2 bags of softener salt everywhere you go? (354.8 pounds

I have reached a significant threshold.  Today I can proudly say that since 1/31/2011 I have lost over 80 pounds!  That is an average of 5.35 pounds per week or 3/4 of a pound a day!  Can you imagine carrying around 2 bags of softener salt (2 bags of salt weight 80 pounds) everywhere you go? 

This week for once I felt like I was losing weight, and I did; 7.8 pounds.  I praise the Lord for all of this, because I know that with for me this is impossible, but with Him all things are possible (Matthew 19:26 says it best.)

Some people have asked me what I eat on a normal day.  The diet I am on only allows for a very low carbohydrate intake (less than 20g per day.)  To put this in perspective, 2 pieces of white bread has approximately 23g of carbs.  Additionally, it is a low calorie diet.  I usually take in between 1,000 and 1,200 calories a day.  Some of you may think this is very little, and I will grant you before I started on this diet I expected to have huge problems with limiting calorie intake.  The fact of the matter is that the food I eat is more than sufficient.  Below I will outline 2 typical days in this diet as far as my meals go.

Sunday 5/15/2011
Breakfast - 1/2 Ole Omelet at Grandma's pancake house (split with Ruth.) My half consisted of 2.5 eggs, 1 ounce cheddar cheese, 2 ounces Chorizo, .25 cup Jalapenos, 1 Tbsp Salsa and 1 Tbsp sour cream.  My half of this Meal was filling, but high in calories (647), carbs (8.5 grams). and fat (50.6 grams) but every once in a while we think it is important to have a treat.

Dinner - I really wasn't hungry for dinner, but it was important to eat.  I had a Nelson's chicken half (239 Calories with 1g carb) and Shiitake Mushrooms fried in butter (224 calories with 3.1g carbs.)  So for this day I had 1109 calories with 12.6 grams of carbs.

Saturday 5/14/2011
Breakfast - 3 Jennie-O turkey sausage links (180 calories and 0g carbs)

Lunch - 1 Nelsons chicken half (239 calories with 1g carbs)

Dinner - 2 Jennie-O Hot Italian Turkey Brats (320 calories, 0g carbs AND DELICIOUS) wrapped in romaine lettuce leaves (13 calories with 2.5g carbs) with 2 Tbsp sauerkraut on each (11 calories and 2.5g carbs.)  I also had 1 cup raw broccoli (31 calories with 6g carbs) dipped in 3 tbs horseradish cheese dip (105 calories, 1.5g carbs.)  For this day total I had 899 calories and 13g carbs for more than enough food.

As you can see, I am not starving myself, but rather I am being very particular on what I eat.  Oh yes, and in addition I eat zero junk foods and zero sweets.  Truth be told though, I really don't miss them much.  At first I did, but not so much anymore.  You see, I have chosen life over self gratification and I am starting to understand that a little.  My God, my family and my friends are replacing those "guilty pleasures" and are much much more satisfying.

I am tryin' to make the right choice (362.6 pounds)

A kids song from my childhood circulated in my head this week after I recalled a conversation that I had with a friend from my youth.  You may know the song, it goes:

I am a promise
I am a possibility
I am a promise
with a capital "P"
I am a great big bundle of potentiality.
I am learnin' to hear God's voice
and I am tryin' to make the right choice
I am a promise to be anything God wants me to be.

It can be fun at times to sit around and reminisce about days gone by.  Sometimes, however, it can also be very sobering to recall some of the regrets you have had in life.  My friend has lived a very hard life for such a young man.  There were many events in his life (some by his choice and others beyond his control) that had him feeling guilty, remorseful and condemned.  I was able to share with my friend a short chapter out of the book "Living The Cross Centered Life" by C.J. Mahaney of which these words really resonated:

Here's how to beat condemnation:  Confess your sin to God...then believe in him.  Exercise the gift of faith God has given you to believe that Jesus died for the very sins you are feeling condemned for.  The punishment He received was for you.  His resurrection is proof that God accepted Jesus' sacrifice.  The sins of your distant past as well as your sins of yesterday were all atoned for; you need carry their weigh no more.  You can't atone for your sin.  That is why Jesus did it for you.

After re-reading that chapter of the book in preparation for sending it to my friend, my own heart was convicted.  I like my friend struggle with the regrets of past failures and shortcomings.  God used my childhood friend this week to remind me that ...There is therefor now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:1).  Yes, it may seem harder sometimes to "hear God's voice" and "make the right choice" like the children's song says but there is certainly easier without a load of sin and guilt to weight me down.

As far as my weigh in this week goes, I wish I would have lost more, but I will take the 2.4 pound loss for sure.
 

More than half way to my 1st goal (364.0 pounds)

When I started the "New Directions" weight loss program at Elkhart General Hospital, they asked me what my goal weight was.  Many of you know me well enough to know that it just ain't that easy for me, so I gave them 3 weight loss goals and they were:

1.  To get down to 300 pounds (135 pound loss)
2.  To get down to 220 pounds. At this weight my Body Mass Index would say that I am overweight but not obese. (215 pound loss)
3.  To get down to 200 pounds.  At this weight, my BMI would say that I am overweight, but I think I would be OK with that... In my mind, this is my ideal weight.

Well, after a short 13 weeks in the program, I praise the Lord that I am more than half way to my 1st goal.  This week I lost 6 pounds and was very excited about the loss.

I want to take a moment to put in a quick plug for three things for those who struggle with weight loss (or even for those who have not yet chosen to struggle against it.)

First, I want to recognize the program I am a part of.  The New Directions Weight loss program (www.egh.org/.../new_direction_weight_management/) based at Elkhart General Hospital has been great.  All of the nurses have been helpful, friendly and encouraging.  I am very pleased with this program. 

BodyMedia (I turned it on my arm
so you could see it better)

The second thing I want to give props to it an electronic device that I wear on my arm on my triceps called BodyMedia (http://www.bodymedia.com/).  This nifty little device has been an immense help to me!  BodyMedia via this arm band monitors the amount of calories I burn, the number of hours I sleep and how efficient that sleep is, it monitors how active I am, it has a built in pedometer to count how many steps I take each day, notifies my probation officer when I leave the house and many other things.  Through the BodyMedia website, I journal all of my foods and it tells me how many calories I am am in a surplus/deficit each day.  Since we know that to burn a pound of fat, you need to have a 3,500 calorie deficit all of this data that BodyMedia compiles has been super helpful.  It is a little costly (approx $200 and $7 per month for the web service) but it has been worth every penny to me. 

Last, but certainly not least I want to express heart felt and loving gratitude towards my beautiful wife.  Ever since I started this program, Ruth has stood beside me.  Ruth not only encourages me, but she leads by example.  Ruth eats the same meals I do, does not cheat on the diet, wears the BodyMedia,  prepares healthy tasty meals and so many more things.  Ruth has also seen the fruits of her labors with this diet; she has lost 17 pounds since the beginning of the diet!  I cannot tell you how very thankful to the Lord God I am for my wonderful wife.

I am glad I have gone through this before (370.0 pounds)

It is during the weeks that you do nearly everything right and still lose very little weight when you have to sit back and say "I am glad I have gone through this before."  Yes, as you can see, I lost only .6 pounds this week, but I am more healthy this week than I was last week.  This week I took my normal weekly tennis lesson, but I also started lifting weights (just a little bit) and I bought a bike and took my first of many rides with my daughters "around our block" yesterday (4 miles was easier than I thought it would be.)  So, knowing that I am doing this to be healthier and not just to achieve a numeric weight loss goal, I am content (even though I was very much looking forward to being out of the 370's this week.)

My new wheels.

This week, the week of Easter I was able to really dwell and meditate on that verse that I referred to in my very first blog post.  John 15:13 says "Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends."  When I was really praying and thanking the Lord for His goodness and love, a verse came to me that I leaned so long ago in AWANA.  1 Corinthians 15:3b-4 says "that Christ died for our sins according to the scriptures; And that he was buried, and that he rose again the third day according to the scriptures"  Friends, The Lord God loves you and desires to have a relationship with you.  If you have never confessed that you are a sinner and asked him to save you from your sin, I would love to talk to you more about that today, or any day (but preferably today!)

O Happy Day! (370.6 pounds)

When calls come in the middle of the night your mind has a way of always thinking the worst and this was certainly the case for me when my phone rang at 2:49 this morning.  I answered the phone to the greeting from my dear friend Jon LeVan telling me that his wife Kristin, who is in the midst of a high risk pregnancy had been scheduled for an immediate C-section due to some circumstances.  I wish you could all know Jon because he is a great man and a man of great faith.  I could tell though by hearing my friends familiar voice that Jon was weary and his faith was shaken.  You see, Jon and Kristin already have a child, a son Joshua Ezekiel.  Joshua Ezekiel LeVan was born February 28, 2010 after being diagnosed with Potter's Syndrome.  Joshua lived one short hour before he his short, yet very impacting life was over.  Living life with Jon and Kristin I have seen a great and Godly example of parents who trust in the Lord, but also ask the hard questions.  I have seen parents whose love is overwhelming for their child.  I have seen friends who are real and authentic.  So this morning when I got the call just before 3 a.m. saying they were going to deliver my  dear friends little baby girl at 34 weeks I went in to emergency mode.  I prayed broken prayers to the Lord for the health of the baby and the mother because I just didn't know how much more my friends could take.  I got to the hospital  at 3:40 am and upon arriving I asked the first hospital employee that I saw how my friends were.  She told me that she could not tell me how they were doing, but that they had a baby at 3:34 a.m.  Friends, O HAPPY DAY... I am so very excited to tell you that Evelyn Grace LeVan was born at 34 weeks today 4/18/2011.  She weighed 5 pounds 2 ounces and is currently in the NICU as a preventative measure until her little lungs develop a bit more.  On my way home from the hospital I cried great big tears of joy for my dear friends and for answered prayer.

I have been convicted throughout the day today though.  God did answer prayer in the birth of Evelyn Grace, but he also most certainly answered prayers in the life of Joshua Ezekiel.  We have all heard people say that God is good, all the time but when the rubber meets the road the trials are often times by fire.  Those trial are talked about in 1 Peter 4:12 -13 where the Bible says  "Beloved think it not strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened unto you:  But rejoice inasmuch as ye are partakers in Christ's sufferings; that when his glory shall be revealed, ye may be glad also with exceeding joy."  So today we celebrate answered prayer with exceeding joy, not only for little Evelyn, but also her big brother Joshua and for amazing friends like Jon and Kristin.

This week was another great week in weight loss.  With a loss this week of 4.4 pounds I weighed in at 370.6 pounds.  It is a huge blessing to see and feel God do a miracle in your own body, take my word for it!

Letting go of a heavy burden (375.0 pounds)

Some of the most profound things I have ever learned have been from my children.  Things like unconditional love and never ending mercy are both given to me by my children and received by my children from me.  I learned a very interesting life lesson a while back while reading a book to my daughters called More Stories from Grandmas Attic that has added freedom to my life.  The author was sharing an anecdote about her grandmother growing up.  Grandma had an adversary at school that she really let get under her skin.  Grandma was talking to her mother about this girl at school one night lamenting about this girl when her mother told her a wonderful truth.  "Great Grandma" told her that if she really wants to rid her heart of bitterness towards her enemy she needs to start praying for her.  She surmised that you could not have hatred in your heart for someone that you were actively praying for.  That little quip hit me like a 2X4 right smack dab between the eyes.  There is not anyone in my life that I hate, but sad to say there are a couple of people in my life that I have to pray very hard for not to hold a grudge against.  It has been awesome though since that day praying for those few people and seeing how God has taken my ugliness and improved on it.  I am still far from perfect, but I am getting better and it is like letting go of a heavy burden.

Another great weigh in this week.  I lost 5.4 pounds bringing me to a 60 pound loss on the button in just 10 weeks.  There is no doubt in my mind that God is doing a great work in my life and in my body.

I almost cried! (380.4 pounds... yeah you read it right!)

My main focus this week has been a verse that I may have recited growing up more than any other verse and that verse is 1 Corinthians 10:31 and it says "Whether therefore ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God."  I know that I am doing this diet to make myself more healthy, but moreover I need to be doing it to the glory of God almighty.  So, this week I have worked really hard on being content.  After gaining weight last week I really have been focused on making sure that I am doing the right things because they are the right things and not because it is really that important how they reflect on the scales.  When I went in to weigh in this morning I really didn't know what to expect, but one thing I did not expect was to lose the 13.4 pounds I lost.  In fact I was so caught off guard I almost cried! 

A lot of you know that I passed my first goal threshold just a few weeks ago when I finally got under the 400 lb. mark.  This week I have passed my second goal threshold.  In 2007 I lost some weight in preparation for getting some life insurance and when I got the life insurance I weighed in at 385 lbs.  I am proud to say friends that I now weigh less than I have in over 4 years!  55 pounds lost in 9 weeks, God is so very good!

... I didn't even get to eat biscuits and gravy (393.8 pounds)

Well, I knew that at some point I would have a week where I did not lose weight or even gained a little and this was the week.  When going to weigh in, I really thought that I had lost weight this week.  I didn't cheat, I worked really hard at the diet, I felt really good about my chances of losing weight this week.  I would be lying if I said I was not disappointed when I saw that I had gained 8/10 of a pound when I didn't even get to eat biscuits and gravy.  I have come to the conclusion though this afternoon that I feel good.  I am proud that I didn't cheat.  I didn't lose weight and I don't know why, but for me this is about creating lifelong habits, not just to see immediate results.  Don't be mistaken though, if I work hard next week and don't lose weight I will be upset.  For now, however, I am content.

A pain in my behind (393.0 pounds)

Another exciting weigh-in this week.  After being excited and delighted at being under 400 pounds last week, I was happy to step on the scales and see another 4 pound weight loss this week.  I am so very thankful to the Lord that in just 7 weeks He has let me lose 42 pounds!

A close friend of mine was in town this weekend and it was great to spend time with him.  I had a chance to talk to him about the places on my body that I was losing mass and you may find it interesting that I am losing the most mass in the following places:  I have a pit at the top of my belly almost big enough to put my fist in, I am losing weight in my head and I am also losing weight in my backside.  Two of the three areas I have been losing weight have been neat to experience (head and belly) but the loss in my backside while exciting has also come with challenges.  First of all, I am now having to cinch my belt so tight that sometimes breathing is a chore!  The second challenge is that with some additional padding going away, it is becoming more painful to sit.  With this in mind, I had an interesting perspective yesterday at church when our pastor approached the theme of change.  By and large, people are adverse to change even when it benefits them.  People get used to routines and when they are told of impending change, their defenses are automatically heightened.  Fact is however, that the body of Christ can be just like my weight ballooning out of control because of doing the "same old thing."  Next thing you know you look back at years gone by and realize that you are not quite as healthy as you believed you were, but you never realized it because it happened over a span of years and not days.  At that point just as in my diet we get to a point where we recognize that a change is vital to live a healthy life.  Let me be very clear about one thing, my weight is very unhealthy but my church is not.  Also, just as I have to take guidance in diet from the doctors and medical journals, so we must take guidance with regards to change in the Body of Christ from our pastor(s) in direct accordance to the will of God Almighty through His Word.  If there is any change that is contrary to the Word of God we are called to stand in direct opposition of it, otherwise just like my diet, we are to embrace it as an encouragement to the body.

Yes, with my diet my change has brought about a pain in my behind.  Often times changes as a whole can be seen as a pain in the behind, but in the long run they are very beneficial for life in our body.

400, we have been together for a long time, but you are no longer welcome here. (397.0 pounds)

This is my first big breakthrough day and I am very excited.  I wanted so badly to get under 400 pounds last week, and didn't lose as much as I had in past weeks and fell short.  Because of that, I have really tempered my enthusiasm and didn't want to get too excited for the weigh in this week.  When I looked down at the scales at the hospital and learned that I had lost 5.4 pounds and it read 397.0 pounds this week I got pretty fired up.  It has been humbling for me to think that I am living a miracle that God is doing in my life.  I never thought that I would be able to lose weight and God is showing me that like the Bible says in Ephesians 3:20 he is able to do "...exceeding abundantly above all that we can ask or think."  God's mercy is obvious to me as I go through this process.

I had the privilege to be a guest at the Baptists for Life banquet this week in Grand Rapids, MI.  Before this dinner, I had no real knowledge of BFL, but this banquet left several impressions on me, three of them were:

1.  I have always tried to be an advocate for the underprivileged and neglected.  My family is unapologetic and adamantly pro-life and my in-laws have been active in the pro-life movement in years gone by, but I have never really done anything of substance to be a voice for those who have no ability to speak in their own behalf and it is time for me to step up.  After seeing the harrowing statistics and stories, how can I stand idly by?  The answer is I cannot.

2.  A banquet where they feed the masses is not a place you want to go if you want to eat healthy. Man, that chocolate cake looked good!

3.  Am I using my influence for God?  It was really surprising to me to see the number of bureaucrats at this meeting.  There were magistrates, council men and women, state representatives etc. at this meeting who all got to hear a clear and concise presentation of the gospel and the same gross data heard by the rest of us.  I have no doubt that these men and women were from both sides of the political isle, but the statistics are what they are without any political bias and that is how the speakers presented the information.  This bold and enthusiastic witness was contagious.

no matter if you are irreligious, or from any denomination, please take time to review the website of Baptists for Life at http://www.bfl.org/

What a great week!

I guess not every week can be a big loss (402.4 pounds)

I knew a week like this would come sooner or later, but I was really hoping for later.  After last week I was really hoping for a loss of at least 5.7 pounds so I could be under 400, but that was not to be.  This week I lost 3.2 pounds and while I was most certainly hoping for more I knew there would come a day that I would have a smaller loss.  Losing 3.2 pounds is nothing to complain about and I will definitely take it. 

I am ok with that (405.6 pounds)

Well, this week I did ok.  I had some serious cravings this weekend and unfortunately I gave in to some of  them.  I didn't give in too bad, but I had some extra protein and a few more carbs than I should have.  I am proud to say that I did not "fall off the wagon" and go crazy with candy bars and KFC (like I would have liked to) but I did soften up more than I wish I would have.  With all that in mind, I really did not know what to expect when I stepped on the scales today.  I prayed today on my way to the hospital like I have made a routine of doing on Monday mornings and today's prayer was one filled with repentance.  I knew that when I weighed in if I was the same or even gained a little I had nobody to blame but myself.  When the scales said I lost 5.1 pounds this week I really felt like God had been gracious to me and I thanked Him right then and there.  It was really pretty neat because I had the opportunity to give the nurse that was with me a testimony of several times that God has been gracious to me in the recent past and in the present.  I know that the Lord will open the door for me to talk to this nurse more in the future as she seemed receptive to the dialog.

If you read this and are a person who prays, please lift up my dear friends Jon and Kristin LeVan today.  A year ago today their newborn baby went home to be with the Lord after living a short life full of impact.  Joshua Ezekiel LeVan had more positive impact on peoples lives in his short hour of life than most people will have in a lifetime.  I know my friends would appreciate your prayers today.

I went to bed last night nervous and I woke up this morning even worse. (410.7 pounds)

For my third week in a row, I followed the diet very closely as they laid it out for me.  In addition, I added in exercise this week (not as much as I should have, but some nonetheless.)  Even though I did those things, I just didn't feel like I was losing weight.  My first two weeks of the diet I really felt my body adjusting and I really felt the weight coming off, but this week was different.  Throughout this weekend I was on edge knowing that I would have to weigh in on Monday.  I went to bed last night nervous and I woke up this morning even worse.  In preparation for seeing a small weight loss this week I prayed on the way to the hospital that God would change my heart to focus on healthy living and not focus just on the number of pounds I lose.  Then I stepped on the scale... 410.7 pounds down 6.5 pounds!!!  Oh Happy Day!

It is easy to think about how much love God has for us when things are going well.  Reading today through my devotions I came across the text that I have read so many times in 1 John 3:1-3 where it says:

Behold, what manner of love the Father hath bestowed upon us, that we should be called the sons of God: therefore the world knoweth us not, because it knew him not. Beloved, now are we the sons of God, and it doth not yet appear what we shall be: but we know that, when he shall appear, we shall be like him; for we shall see him as he is. And every man that hath this hope in him purifieth himself, even as he is pure.

Reading this I had some introspection going on.  I asked myself questions like:

How have I reacted when things didn't go as I planned?
What was I like when I was going through tragedy?
How do I react towards my wife when I don't get my way?
I even asked... Am I weird?

You know, I am not always proud of how I have to answer all of these questions.  In light of the fact that I am loved enough to be called a son of the most high God, I am also called to lived a different life.  In essence, I hope to be WEIRD.  My kids would tell you that being weird is not a challenge for me, but friends, I tell you it is.  The passage tells us that the world does not know me, in many ways I am to be weird.  Unfortunately, at times I am not different.  I adapt to my surroundings AND THAT IS WRONG.  When things don't go how I planned I want people to see Christ.  When I go through tragedy, I want to point others to Christ.  When I don't get my way in my own home I want my wife to know that she is as secure as I am in the love of Christ.  To me that is not weird, that is purifying myself to become more like God.  What a humbling privilege and great responsibility to be called a son of God.

You Can't Turn Around a Battleship in a Day (417.2 pounds)

I had my two week follow up appointment at New Directions today.  To be honest, I was very excited to go to this meeting today.  After all, my first week in the program I lost 11.2 pounds and I did all the same things this week.  I knew that I would not lose quite as much this week because some of that 11.2 pounds was water weight, but I expected another big loss.  I went in today and I weighed in at 417.2 pounds (a 6.6 pound weight loss.)  For some reason, rather than my mind going to WOW, a 6.6 pound weight loss, it went to well, a 6.6 point weight loss. Maybe I have spent too much time watching The Biggest Loser and my mind is tempered to believe that with a guy my size a double digit weight loss every week should be expected.  Sometimes, taking a step back and taking a new perspective is the best thing we can do.  My today has since been filled with gratitude.  I LOST 6.6 POUNDS THIS WEEK!  Wait, it gets better; the nurse I talked to said that they do not really recommend exercise in the first two weeks of the diet while your body adjusts, so I have not exercised at all yet.  Don't get me wrong, I will never be confused with Carl Daikeler or Tony Horton of Beachbody and P90X fame, but even moderate exercise should help me a bunch both with weight loss and with energy level, and that starts TONIGHT (I may need someone to hold me accountable to that because at my size, most every exercise has become painful.)

So that is that, like the title says, you can't turn a battleship around in a day, but with the Lord's help, all of your prayers and encouragement and hard work mixed with determination I know that I can get down to a healthy weight.

I am who I am. (423.8 pounds)

There are things in my life that I hunger and thirst for.  At 33 years of age, those things are different from when I was a younger man.  I used to hunger and thirst for thrills, for my ego to be stroked and for what I thought was satisfaction.  Now, as I get a little older my appetite has changed.  I hunger and thirst for authenticity, for true relationships and for love.  There are a lot of people who I have met along the way that may not know the real me and I am becoming proud of who I am, so I want to tell you first a little about me.

1.  I am a Christian.  I am sorry to say that a lot of people that I have encountered in life do not know this.  It is a sad reality that my ambition to serve myself has overtaken my love for the Lord at points in my life.  Don't get me wrong, some may know me as a good guy or a kind person, but unfortunately they may not know that my joy comes from the Lord.  As I search for real authentic love, 1 John 4:10 resonates when I read "This is love:  not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent his son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins."  That is what I am talking about!  That is true, authentic and outrageous love.

2.  I am a husband and father.  Ruth and I have been married now for almost 15 years (6/1/96) and she is an extraordinary woman, she is far better than I could have ever hoped for.  Ruth is not only my wife, but she is my best friend and I am so very thankful for her.  Sarah Elaine is my oldest daughter and she is 12 and in 6th grade.  Earlier this year, we decided to home school her and it has been a very good experience for both her and her mother.  Sarah loves the arts, technology and fashion and I am so proud to be her daddy.  Alexis Belle is my little monkey.  She is 9 and in 3rd grade at the local elementary school in town.  Alexis loves her gymnastics classes and loves to climb anything and everything.  She is a treasure and I am very proud of her.

3.  I am a weak man.  Anyone who has ever met me knows that I have a huge life struggle and that is my weight.  In my attempt for true transparency, I hate to write this, but last Monday (1/31/2011) I weighed in at my heaviest weight ever in my life:  435 pounds.  My weigh in was a part of a weight loss program that I have enrolled in called New Directions and to me that is a perfect name.  I know the direction that I have taken myself over the last many years has been the wrong direction and it is time for a New Direction.  As is required by the program, I went in for blood work today and was excited to see that in the last week I lost 11.2 pounds!  I know the road will be long, but I am praying and working hard to follow this New Direction for my life.

With all of that said, my weight is really secondary when it comes to my problems.  The biggest struggle I have in my life is my struggle to be in constant, second by second fellowship with the Lord.  Some times I feel like Paul when he says in Romans 7:15 "I do not understand what I do.  For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do."  I know the basis for my struggle is the fact that I do not do a very good job making Christ the absolute center of every second of every day and I do hunger and thirst for that!  There are many things that need fixing here:  I need to spend more time each day digging in to the Word of God, I need to spend more time in solitude with the Lord in prayer, and I need to lead my family and every aspect of my life better.

4.  I am missions minded.  I don't know when, but I believe that at some point in my life I will be involved in full time ministry as a foreign missionary.  Once again, I hunger and I thirst for that and I am willing to wait for the Lord to show me His plan.


Well, that is a short outline that gives you some detail on who I am.  This blog will be my account of my struggles and my success and it is my hope that it could be an encouragement to someone along the way.